Dear fuckers at my friendly neighbourhood Apple service centre,

You're funny guys.

No, really.

That bit where I talked to you on Friday, and you told me, yes, the Service centre is open on Saturdays? And then I went there on Saturday, and sat in the back alleyway behind the shopping centre, and waited for you to open? For about twenty minutes, before I decided I'd probably gotten the opening time wrong. So I went to get something to eat, and came back half an hour later, and you still weren't open. After that I went round the front to talk to the retail guys. Turns out - oh, so funny - that you service guys don't come in on weekends. And they don't know why anyone would have told me that you're open on Saturday, because you're not.

I know why, though.

It's because you're funny. Really funny.

And then I phoned you guys this morning to ask how long it'd be before I had a quote for what this laptop disaster is going to cost me.

'Oh,' you said, 'our assessment period is seven working days.'

Seven. Working. Days. Funny.

'You're kidding, right?' I said. 'Seven working days before you'll even look at it?'

I'm not sure why the chick I was talking to didn't laugh. I mean, really, nearly two weeks? That's hilarious.

Then I - perhaps foolishly - asked how long the total period that I was going to be without my laptop was.

'Oh', she said, 'I couldn't possibly say until someone has had a look at the machine.'

In seven. Working. Days.

Guys, you're killing me. And I'm not so sure I see the humour.

No love whatsoever,
Beck

PS - That seven working day assessment period reflects really badly on either your staff, or the quality of your product. Pick what you like, but for my money, and given my experiences with a) your staff, and b) your product, I'm going with both.